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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Rain Told To Go Away In 1986 Returns

ADAIR, IA—A rainstorm that in August 1986 was told to "go away" and advised to come again another day returned Monday, soaking the downtown Adair area for much of the afternoon. Thirty-one-year-old investment banker Art Rosenblatt, who issued the request 22 years ago, when he went by the nickname Little Arthur, was among the first to recognize the weather system. "I suppose this was part of the agreement," Rosenblatt said. Later that day, at the behest of Adair resident Little Johnny, 8, the rain once again dissipated. It is expected to return in 2052 as a Category 5 hurricane.

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