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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Rain Told To Go Away In 1986 Returns

ADAIR, IA—A rainstorm that in August 1986 was told to "go away" and advised to come again another day returned Monday, soaking the downtown Adair area for much of the afternoon. Thirty-one-year-old investment banker Art Rosenblatt, who issued the request 22 years ago, when he went by the nickname Little Arthur, was among the first to recognize the weather system. "I suppose this was part of the agreement," Rosenblatt said. Later that day, at the behest of Adair resident Little Johnny, 8, the rain once again dissipated. It is expected to return in 2052 as a Category 5 hurricane.

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