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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Rajon Rondo: 'I Have Too Many Father Figures On This Team'

BOSTON—At a press conference last week discussing his suspension for bumping a referee, Celtics guard Rajon Rondo blamed his conduct on having "too many role models and people to look up to" on the team to get a coherent idea of how he should act. "I had three different aging superstars, plus a coach who once played and has sons my age, giving me four different lectures about the bump," said Rondo, adding that he once tried to carry himself like Kevin Garnett, only to have all his other father figures tell him that is not how a professional should act. "I do act out from time to time, but I have no young teammates to compare my conduct to. Sometimes I wonder if these guys sort of need me to cause problems, because without me, they would have nobody to mentor." Rondo said he has talked to Celtics general manager Danny Ainge about adding a young player to the roster so he can have somebody his own age to play with, but Ainge just told him a story about asking the same thing of the Celtics GM when he was a player.

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