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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Rajon Rondo: 'I Have Too Many Father Figures On This Team'

BOSTON—At a press conference last week discussing his suspension for bumping a referee, Celtics guard Rajon Rondo blamed his conduct on having "too many role models and people to look up to" on the team to get a coherent idea of how he should act. "I had three different aging superstars, plus a coach who once played and has sons my age, giving me four different lectures about the bump," said Rondo, adding that he once tried to carry himself like Kevin Garnett, only to have all his other father figures tell him that is not how a professional should act. "I do act out from time to time, but I have no young teammates to compare my conduct to. Sometimes I wonder if these guys sort of need me to cause problems, because without me, they would have nobody to mentor." Rondo said he has talked to Celtics general manager Danny Ainge about adding a young player to the roster so he can have somebody his own age to play with, but Ainge just told him a story about asking the same thing of the Celtics GM when he was a player.

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