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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Rams Seem To Have Beaten Saints

NEW ORLEANS—Sources within the NFL's competition committee tentativelty confirmed Monday that, according to their preliminary analysis of statistics compiled during Sunday's St. Louis-New Orleans game, the previously winless Rams did indeed score more points than the Saints and therefore must officially be declared the winner. "Further review is in order, up to and including watching a full recording of the game, if in fact any broadcaster bothered to make one," commissioner Roger Goodell told disbelieving reporters Monday. "Still, the smattering of eyewitness accounts we have collected, including several from officials in attendance, seem to bear out reports of a Rams victory." The Saints organization has thus far refused comment on the issue, but say they will dutifully comply with any decision reached by the league "no matter how outrageous."

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