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Rams Seem To Have Beaten Saints

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Rams Seem To Have Beaten Saints

NEW ORLEANS—Sources within the NFL's competition committee tentativelty confirmed Monday that, according to their preliminary analysis of statistics compiled during Sunday's St. Louis-New Orleans game, the previously winless Rams did indeed score more points than the Saints and therefore must officially be declared the winner. "Further review is in order, up to and including watching a full recording of the game, if in fact any broadcaster bothered to make one," commissioner Roger Goodell told disbelieving reporters Monday. "Still, the smattering of eyewitness accounts we have collected, including several from officials in attendance, seem to bear out reports of a Rams victory." The Saints organization has thus far refused comment on the issue, but say they will dutifully comply with any decision reached by the league "no matter how outrageous."

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