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Rams Too Embarrassed To Express Interest In Simeon Rice: 'What If He Doesn't Like Us?'

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In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
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Rams Too Embarrassed To Express Interest In Simeon Rice: 'What If He Doesn't Like Us?'

ST. LOUIS, MO—Fearing that free-agent defensive end Simeon Rice would not like their team because the facilities "aren't nice enough," the "stupid old stadium is too small," and that their "dumb team uniforms look stupid," the St. Louis Rams found themselves too embarrassed to express interest in the three-time Pro-Bowler, sources close to the team reported Friday. "Just look at Simeon—he's such a great player," said Rams' GM Charley Armey, squirming in his chair as he watched tape of Rice, who is second in sacks among active players and considered quite a catch. "I don't even know what I would say to him. What if he thinks we're lame because all the other teams have more money and a later curfew?" Armey claims the team is feeling shy and vulnerable after losing several key free agents during the offseason, and that they have never felt as attractive to popular players as the other "more glamorous" teams in the NFC West.

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