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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Rangers Win Stanley Cup 15 Years Ago

NEW YORK—After 54 years of waiting, the New York Rangers finally won the Stanley Cup 15 years ago, defeating the Vancouver Canucks four games to three in 1994. "As long as I live I will never forget this moment," Rangers' captain Mark Messier, who recently confirmed he had not forgotten the moment in the intervening decade and a half, said at the time. Coach Mike Keenan is remembered to have added that the victory "[was] for the greatest fans in the world. This definitely[might have been] the start of a new Rangers dynasty! I can't wait to meet President Clinton. Let's go Rangers!" The 2009 Pittsburgh Penguins had no comment about the year 2024.

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