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Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Rape Investigation Finds Star College Quarterback Has Got The Goods

‘He Can Make All The Throws And Has A Cannon For An Arm,’ Confirms Sexual Assault Inquiry

ROANOKE, VA—Following a full investigation into allegations of sexual assault at an on-campus dormitory, the Roanoke County Police Department announced Thursday that a star Virginia Methodist University football player accused of rape has definitely got the goods to be an elite NFL quarterback. “Our investigation focused on a single male rape suspect, who, at 6’3” and 225 pounds, possesses the ideal frame to stand tall in the pocket and deliver an absolute strike,” Chief of Police Joseph Lumpkin told reporters at a press conference, adding that, after interviewing multiple eyewitnesses and evaluating all of the physical evidence, it was indisputable to detectives that the All-American gunslinger has ice water running through his veins and is capable of putting the ball where only his receiver can get it. “After piecing together all of the available information, we can now confidently say that the suspect isn’t afraid to take a hit while waiting to air out the deep ball, and all the facts are conclusive in showing that he does indeed have the quickest delivery in the conference. This young man is, without a doubt, the one who can put his team on his back and take them all the way.” Lumpkin confirmed that his department will immediately turn its findings over to the district attorney, who is expected to be considerably impressed by the suspect’s ability to make plays with his feet in the face of blitzing pass rushers.

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