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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Rapper Not Entirely Sure Who Else Is On This Track

NEW YORK—During a recording session last Tuesday, rapper Dwayne "Lil Wayne" Carter appeared uncertain as to who else was being featured on his newest track, sources inside the music industry reported. "Yo, check it, we comin' at you with Method [Man] and Redman and…uh, brother over there in the hat. Hatman," said Lil Wayne, whose single "O.G. Crunk" will be released later this month. "Okay, and we got this guy on my left, those two guys there gonna rock the mic, and, Dave, is that you?" The final mix of the seven-minute track reportedly ends with Lil Wayne handing the microphone to the participants one at a time and asking them to clearly state who they are and what they are here to do.

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