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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Rare Autographed Portrait Of Jesus Purchased At Estate Sale

STROUDSBURG, PA—An oil portrait of Jesus Christ bearing what turned out to be a rare autograph of the Son of God was purchased for $65 at an estate sale last weekend, religious relic experts said Tuesday. "Careful examination of the signature's authentic Aramaic cursive loop on the 'J' and 'C,' plus the distinctive early-A.D. touch of underlining the name and adding a couple of jaunty diagonal dashes, confirms that it is indeed genuine," collectibles appraiser Mike Shankman told reporters, describing the signed message that reads "Gary, best of luck!" "These are actually a lot rarer than you'd think. What a great find." As of press time, one Greek Orthodox antiquarian had offered a conflicting appraisal, saying that while the signature was definitely that of Christ, the Savior may have been amusing Himself by autographing a painting of singer/ actor Kris Kristofferson.

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