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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Rash Of High-Speed Chases Threatens Local Fruit Stand

LOS ANGELES–A rash of high-speed chases in downtown L.A. is threatening the livelihood of local fruit vendor Dave Rostand. "Every week, as many as 10 high-speed auto chases, either comical or dramatic in nature, come roaring past my corner, sending my cardboard-box-mounted pyramid of oranges flying in all directions," Rostand, who estimates he has had to rebuild his fruit stand 50 times, told members of the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Monday. "If these chases are not curtailed, I will have no choice but to declare bankruptcy and take up work as a sheet-glass courier."

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