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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Ratings Low For NPR Morning Zoo Crew

WASHINGTON, DC–National Public Radio officials are blaming "inadequate listener support" for the low ratings plaguing the two-month-old NPR Morning Zoo Crew Show. "For some reason, radio listeners have not responded to the zany antics of NPR Zookeepers Alex Chadwick, Jean Cochran and Bob Edwards, whose outrageous pranks have included phoning Harper's editor Lewis Lapham at 6 a.m. and telling him that there's a new collection of Nicholson Baker short stories due out in the fall," NPR programming director James Orbach said. "Then there was the time the Zookeepers actually had Saul Bellow convinced that he'd won the Booker Prize." The NPR Zoo Crew has also gained notoriety for its wacky song parodies, such as a reworked "Prelude In C-Sharp Minor" by Rachmaninoff with lyrics spoofing Noam Chomsky's recent speech before the National Book Club.

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