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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Ravens Already Dreading Ray Lewis Constantly Being On Sideline For Rest Of Season

HOUSTON—With Ray Lewis on injured reserve after suffering a torn triceps, Baltimore Ravens players and coaches confirmed Sunday that they were dreading the loud, outspoken linebacker’s constant presence on the sideline for the rest of the season. “Oh, God, that’s going to be so awful when he’s around all the time,” said Ravens head coach John Harbaugh, adding that it made him cringe to think of Lewis incessantly screaming criticism, support, and advice at everyone on the sideline. “Knowing Ray, he’ll be shouting nonstop and never shut the hell up. I like it when he’s on the field, because then you get a nice break from him.” At press time, a group of Ravens players had reportedly gathered to pray for Ray Lewis to die.

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