Ravens Already Dreading Ray Lewis Constantly Being On Sideline For Rest Of Season

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 43

Meat Loaf Endorses Romney

Performing after the band Big & Rich at a Romney rally last night, Meat Loaf offered the candidate an unusual, rambling endorsement in which the 65-year-old rocker mentioned that he had never been involved in politics before, that the Cold War is not ...

Man Throws Money At Problem

A birthday card is discreetly passed around the office like some sort of covert CIA operation, Apple's gag division unveils the sleekest fake dog shit to date, and cactus scientists recommend drinking 8 cups of water per year.

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

WASHINGTON—In what is certain to be regarded as a defining moment in the nation’s history, leading U.S. political figures gathered at the Capitol today to sign their names to the newly drafted Declaration of Dependence ...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comedy

Partying

Ravens Already Dreading Ray Lewis Constantly Being On Sideline For Rest Of Season

HOUSTON—With Ray Lewis on injured reserve after suffering a torn triceps, Baltimore Ravens players and coaches confirmed Sunday that they were dreading the loud, outspoken linebacker’s constant presence on the sideline for the rest of the season. “Oh, God, that’s going to be so awful when he’s around all the time,” said Ravens head coach John Harbaugh, adding that it made him cringe to think of Lewis incessantly screaming criticism, support, and advice at everyone on the sideline. “Knowing Ray, he’ll be shouting nonstop and never shut the hell up. I like it when he’s on the field, because then you get a nice break from him.” At press time, a group of Ravens players had reportedly gathered to pray for Ray Lewis to die.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More