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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Ravens Offense Suffers Another Huge Blow As Joe Flacco Lines Up Under Center

OWINGS MILLS, MD—After losing tight-end Dennis Pitta to a season-ending injury, the Baltimore Ravens’ offense suffered another major blow Monday as team sources confirmed that quarterback Joe Flacco had lined up under center. “I saw Joe calling signals and stepping up to the line and—well, obviously your stomach just kinda drops when you see something like that,” said head coach John Harbaugh, who acknowledged that the team now has a “major void” to fill at quarterback. “Of course we’ll try to find a way to recover from what happened today, but right now I know the whole team is feeling completely demoralized.” The team reportedly sustained yet another crippling setback when Joe Flacco received the snap.

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