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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Ravens Warn Rookies To Save Some Extra Money For Bail

BALTIMORE—Reminding them that it’s something even the league’s highest paid superstars must do, Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh reportedly took time Monday to advise the team’s incoming class of rookies to set aside savings for future bail payments. “It’s imperative that you guys start putting aside some money here and there—even if it’s only a few hundred dollars each month in a savings account—for when you’re sitting in a county jail at 4 a.m. and need to come up with a surety bond,” said Harbaugh, reminding the incoming players that their financial planning should also cover any potential legal fees for subsequent court hearings. “It may not seem like a big deal now, but we’ve unfortunately seen many great players suffer as a result of being totally unprepared for their future arrests. I know you see this big paycheck every week and it’s tempting to spend all of it right away, but just remember that you’ll need that money down the line for hefty state fines after pleading guilty to what will hopefully only be a few misdemeanor charges.” According to team sources, Harbaugh then reminded players that the Ravens offer financial advising to map out long-term investment plans so they can comfortably afford bail and legal costs long after their playing careers are over.

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