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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Ravens Warn Rookies To Save Some Extra Money For Bail

BALTIMORE—Reminding them that it’s something even the league’s highest paid superstars must do, Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh reportedly took time Monday to advise the team’s incoming class of rookies to set aside savings for future bail payments. “It’s imperative that you guys start putting aside some money here and there—even if it’s only a few hundred dollars each month in a savings account—for when you’re sitting in a county jail at 4 a.m. and need to come up with a surety bond,” said Harbaugh, reminding the incoming players that their financial planning should also cover any potential legal fees for subsequent court hearings. “It may not seem like a big deal now, but we’ve unfortunately seen many great players suffer as a result of being totally unprepared for their future arrests. I know you see this big paycheck every week and it’s tempting to spend all of it right away, but just remember that you’ll need that money down the line for hefty state fines after pleading guilty to what will hopefully only be a few misdemeanor charges.” According to team sources, Harbaugh then reminded players that the Ravens offer financial advising to map out long-term investment plans so they can comfortably afford bail and legal costs long after their playing careers are over.

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