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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Ravens Win Best Team At 2013 Super Bowl Awards

NEW ORLEANS—In a star-studded gala hosted by James Brown, the Baltimore Ravens were honored for their distinctive achievement in the football industry Sunday, winning Best Team at the 2013 Super Bowl Awards. “It’s really so incredible to take home the Lombardi for Best Team,” said tearful Ravens head coach John Harbaugh, who also received the Best Original Score award for “34,” and Best Adapted Screen Play based on a 1999 pass by Andy Reid. “I want to thank everyone involved in making this team, the other nominees, as well as the voters at the Academy of Football Arts and Sciences.” Though the Ravens won 14 different awards, including Best Hair and Makeup for linebacker Ray Lewis, the 49ers Alex Smith was also honored with Best Actor in a Supporting Role for his disturbing and gut-wrenching portrayal of San Francisco backup quarterback Alex Smith.

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