Ray LaHood Resigns Following Mysterious Disappearance Of Country Road

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Vol 49 Issue 05

Onion Sports' Live Coverage Of Super Bowl XLVII

Highlights Pregame Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl Pregame Onion Sports' Guide To Super Bowl XLVII Pregame Coverage Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl “I’m so pumped up! I can...

Hometown Wistfully Toured Via Google Street View

COLUMBUS, OH—Eleven years after last walking through his hometown, 29-year-old local man Paul Brundage reportedly spent the entire evening Friday revisiting his childhood neighborhood in Decatur, IL using the Google Maps Street View feature.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Ray LaHood Resigns Following Mysterious Disappearance Of Country Road

WASHINGTON—Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood announced his resignation from the Obama Administration earlier this morning following his alleged involvement in the recent disappearance of U.S. Route 13. “Given his ongoing role in the investigation regarding last week’s sudden disappearance of this road, Mr. LaHood believes it is best that he step down from his position as Transport Secretary,” said LaHood’s spokesperson Jeffrey Graves, speaking to reporters after newly released photos showed the 67-year-old government official with the road just hours prior to when morning rush hour commuters discovered it was missing. “We also want to assure the public that Mr. LaHood is fully cooperating with investigators and has agreed to do whatever he can to ensure the return of this beautiful country road.” At press time, investigators were attempting to ID the remains of a stretch of highway found buried by the side of I-97.

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