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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Ray Lewis

Ravens Inside Linebacker

Strength: Antler-based; Natural birthmarks under eyes save a ton of money on face paint; Remains cool and collected in high-pressure environments like Super Bowls or witness stands; No problem wrapping up big backs, bringing them to the ground, and ripping out the entrails

Weakness: Wastes all of his energy during player introductions; Can’t fall asleep at night without a concussion; Will probably retire before ever decapitating competitor

Retirement Plans: Spend time with family, travel, chronic traumatic encephalopathy

Skill: Points out passing plays by running around on all fours and barking

Pet Peeve: When head gets caught inside ball carrier’s ribcage

Secret: Actually prefers not to yell, but has to because football stadiums are really loud

Post-Retirement Plan: Annoy the shit out of the entire country every Sunday alongside Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw

NEXT: Ed Reed

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

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