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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Ray Lewis Crying Over Embarrassing Spectacle He's Become

NEW ORLEANS—After completing the final game of his career Sunday, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis was openly crying on national television over what a humiliating spectacle he’s become. “God, look at me! Look at all these people crawling over one another to get a shot of me weeping like this,” a blubbering Lewis told reporters. “And to think grown men back home might be getting emotional about all this, too. Oh jeez, this is just the worst. I’m the worst.” Stay tuned for more updates as the embarrassing and shameful spectacle that Lewis has become carries over into the locker room, the postgame press conference, and the majority of the next week.

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