adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
End Of Section
  • More News

Black Man Does 8 Years

GO TO FEATURE

Raytheon CEO Sends Obama Another Article About Mounting Unrest In Libya

WALTHAM, MA—Using the subject heading “you should definitely check this out,” Thomas A. Kennedy, CEO of the defense contractor Raytheon, reportedly emailed President Obama today with yet another link to an article detailing mounting tensions in Libya. “Hey Barack, just thought you might be interested in this,” read the email, the sixth such message sent from Kennedy in the past month, in which he CC’d Defense Secretary Ashton Carter and provided a link to a recent CNN story about ISIS gaining a foothold in the Libyan city of Derna. “Looks like things are really getting out of hand over there. A lot of people are saying it could destabilize the whole region.” Sources confirmed that several minutes after sending the email, Kennedy received a curt reply from Obama indicating that he had already seen the story earlier in the week when it was sent to him by executives at Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, ATK, General Dynamics, and Boeing.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close