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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Raytheon CEO Sends Obama Another Article About Mounting Unrest In Libya

WALTHAM, MA—Using the subject heading “you should definitely check this out,” Thomas A. Kennedy, CEO of the defense contractor Raytheon, reportedly emailed President Obama today with yet another link to an article detailing mounting tensions in Libya. “Hey Barack, just thought you might be interested in this,” read the email, the sixth such message sent from Kennedy in the past month, in which he CC’d Defense Secretary Ashton Carter and provided a link to a recent CNN story about ISIS gaining a foothold in the Libyan city of Derna. “Looks like things are really getting out of hand over there. A lot of people are saying it could destabilize the whole region.” Sources confirmed that several minutes after sending the email, Kennedy received a curt reply from Obama indicating that he had already seen the story earlier in the week when it was sent to him by executives at Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman, ATK, General Dynamics, and Boeing.

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