Résumé Font Offends Employer

Top Headlines

Recent News

Child’s Loose Grasp On Balloon Only Thing Between Peace And Anarchy At Restaurant

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Eating their meals and conversing pleasantly without paying any heed to how loosely the string was wrapped around the young child’s finger, diners at a local Panera Bread reportedly went about their lunch Wednesday completely unaware that 2-year-old Nate Pollen’s tenuous grasp on a red helium balloon was the only thing standing between peace and total anarchy.

Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Best Buy Employee Wearing Different Colored Shirt For Some Reason

‘His Shirt Is Black,’ Confused Customers Say

FAIRFAX, VA—Eyeing the staff member with wariness and confusion, customers at the Fair City Mall Best Buy location confirmed Wednesday that one of the store’s employees was, for some reason, wearing a black shirt rather than a blue one like the rest of his coworkers.

Nobel Peace Prize Candidates

There are 273 candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize this year, the second-highest number of nominees ever, and the laureate(s) will be announced Friday before the prize ceremony in December. Here are some notable candidates for this year’s award:
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



Résumé Font Offends Employer

CHARLOTTE, NC—The decision to set his résumé in default-font Times–New Roman "deeply, personally, and irrevocably" offended a prospective employer of Seth Hershey Monday. "I look for quality, pedigree, and competency in the résumés that cross my desk, but I don't care if you founded the Harvard School of Business—if you're going to use a crap typeface like this, you might as well send me a finger painting in your own shit," said HealthBest South Associate Vice-President Dick Scottsfield shortly after hurling the document across his office in disgust. "Did he think we'd accept something like this here? Does he take me for a damn fool? If he had chosen the correct font, why, I could've even overlooked this cheap, 14-lb. cotton stock paper." Scottsfield said he intends to offer the job to the first person who uses a decent 12-point Cheltenham Book with an elegant leading.