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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Real-Life Stranger On A Train Less Interesting Than Hitchcock Version

PATERSON, NJ—On his commute to work Monday, Patrick Highsmith met a stranger who did not entangle him in a torrid affair, cross-country intrigue, or an elaborate murder plot. "The man made conversation, but it was just boring stuff: work, kids, sports, TV shows," Highsmith said of the bald, heavily jowled man seated next to him on the 8:17 a.m. train. "No suspicious redcaps, no faintly menacing blonde femme fatale, no rack zooms out the window, nothing." Highsmith said he was also unimpressed after spending several weeks spying on his neighbors while confined to a wheelchair.

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