adBlockCheck

Real Life "Twister" Kills 117

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Real Life "Twister" Kills 117

Morganville, OK—As the runaway smash hit film Twister tore up box offices across the U.S. on its opening weekend, an exciting, real life "twister" tore through this tiny farming community of 459 Sunday night. The super-duper "twister," which takes its name from the new Steven Spielberg-produced blockbuster, uprooted homes, trees and cars and killed 117 in a thrilling display of nature's fury. Witnesses said the action-packed devastation was not unlike that featured in the hot new motion picture from the director of Speed, Jan De Bont. "We have nothing," said Morganville resident John McCushan, whose entire family was killed by the "twister." "My life is ruined." In a display Variety magazine called "touching," the entire town gathered at Trinity Lutheran Church Monday to mourn the loss of loved ones. Twister opened on 3,000 screens nationwide Friday, grossing $23 million in its first weekend of domestic release.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close