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Realistic Announcer Shouting How Kevin Durant Making His Last 4 Shots Has No Bearing On Whether He Will Make Next Shot

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Realistic Announcer Shouting How Kevin Durant Making His Last 4 Shots Has No Bearing On Whether He Will Make Next Shot

OKLAHOMA CITY—Amidst a hot streak Sunday in which Thunder star Kevin Durant hit four field goals in a row against the Raptors, excited and extremely realistic play-by-play man Brian Davis could be heard singing the forward's praises at the top of his lungs while carefully acknowledging that those previous positive results had no statistical influence on future shots. "It seems like he's on fire, but it's more a mathematical anomaly than anything!" Davis yelled, noting that Durant's lifetime field-goal percentage, weighted toward his current season tally, was a better indicator of whether or not he would make the next shot than anything that might be inferred by his hitting four in a row. "Durant pulls up and drains another—essentially the equivalent of flipping a coin five times in a row and getting heads each time! Don't think for a second this streak has to end on the next shot, either; consider each shot a discrete and independent event!" Davis lost his voice late in the fourth quarter while shouting about how the Thunder need to find a way to get the ball in Durant's hands, but only because he is their best player and not because he is in any way immune to the universal phenomena of chaos and randomness.

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