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Recent Cardinals Call-Up Trying Too Hard To Befriend Albert Pujols

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Recent Cardinals Call-Up Trying Too Hard To Befriend Albert Pujols

ST. LOUIS—Anthony Reyes, a 24-year-old pitcher who was called up from the Cardinals' Triple-A Memphis affiliate on May 21, is taking full advantage of his time with the big-league club by going to extreme lengths to earn the friendship of superstar Albert Pujols, teammates reported Tuesday. "His first day with the club, he told Albert that he was his idol, and that he always wanted to be a first-baseman, and then offered to clean out Albert's locker," said centerfielder Jim Edmonds, whom other Cardinals suspect may just be angry that none of the rookies ever care about endearing themselves to him. "He's always loudly applauding routine ground balls that Albert fields at first base, and after every one of Albert's at-bats, there's Ant with a cup of his favorite Gatorade flavor, a handful of sunflower seeds, and a moist towel. Does he think that if he gets in Albert's good graces, the team will be less inclined to send him back down to the minors?" When asked about the rookie, Pujols said "Aaron [sic] seems like a pretty okay guy," and added that he really appreciated his donation of one year's salary to the Pujols Family Foundation for Down syndrome.

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