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With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

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President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Record-Store Clerk Gazes Down From On High In Aloof Indifference

AUSTIN, TX—Lording a full 14 inches over the miserable, vulgar wretches who roam the aisles of Dave's Discs, record-store clerk Bryce Lukas surveyed the teeming masses from his position at the front counter with a mixture of indifference and scorn Tuesday. "See them scurry for their precious Bob Marley and Metallica CDs," Lukas said. "One almost pities them, these corporate sheep who have never even heard of The High Llamas or Future Bible Heroes, much less Tortoise. Yet they are content, are they not, to inhabit their Sony-Elektra world, fulfilling their tedious R.E.M.-consumption duties?" Lukas then lowered himself to the level of a customer to direct her to the latest Sarah McLachlan release. "Aisle four, just past soundtracks," he muttered, eyes half-closed, with a dismissive, irritated wave.

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