adBlockCheck

Recent News

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
End Of Section
  • More News

Record-Store Clerk Gazes Down From On High In Aloof Indifference

AUSTIN, TX—Lording a full 14 inches over the miserable, vulgar wretches who roam the aisles of Dave's Discs, record-store clerk Bryce Lukas surveyed the teeming masses from his position at the front counter with a mixture of indifference and scorn Tuesday. "See them scurry for their precious Bob Marley and Metallica CDs," Lukas said. "One almost pities them, these corporate sheep who have never even heard of The High Llamas or Future Bible Heroes, much less Tortoise. Yet they are content, are they not, to inhabit their Sony-Elektra world, fulfilling their tedious R.E.M.-consumption duties?" Lukas then lowered himself to the level of a customer to direct her to the latest Sarah McLachlan release. "Aisle four, just past soundtracks," he muttered, eyes half-closed, with a dismissive, irritated wave.

More from this section

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close