Red Sox Fan Dedicates Garbage Can He’s Lighting On Fire To Marathon Victims

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Vol 49 Issue 44

FAA Allows Use Of Electronics Throughout Flights

The Federal Aviation Administration announced that airline passengers will now be able to use certain electronic devices, such as e-readers and video gaming devices, throughout an entire flight, though cell phone calls remain prohibited.
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Red Sox Fan Dedicates Garbage Can He’s Lighting On Fire To Marathon Victims

BOSTON—Fifteen minutes after the Boston Red Sox defeated the St. Louis Cardinals to become World Series Champions, sources are now confirming that local man Bradley Ferrante, 26, is dedicating the trash can he’s lighting on fire to the victims of last April’s Boston Marathon bombings. “4/15, never forget!” said a visibly intoxicated Ferrante before throwing an entire book of lit matches into the trash bin, stumbling slightly before kicking it to the ground, removing his shirt, and screaming “Go Sox!” “Dynasty!” “Big Papi! We love you, Papi!” and “We’re the fuckin’ champs, baby! Boston Strong! Yankees suck! Woo!” At press time, Ferrante was hunched over on Boylston Street, vomiting roughly 800 yards from the marathon’s finish line.

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