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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Red Sox Figure It's Worth It To Just Ask Bud Selig For Playoff Spot

BOSTON—Players and personnel within the Red Sox organization collectively decided Monday that simply coming out and asking MLB Commissioner Bud Selig if they could have a spot in the 2010 playoffs "couldn't hurt" their odds of missing the postseason any more than their poor finish in the division. "I'll mention that we've got a lot of fans who would love to watch us keep playing, and then I'll just ask, 'Can the Red Sox please be in the playoffs this year?'" general manager Theo Epstein said during a recent NESN interview. "After all, the worst he could say is no." Epstein added that depending on the feel of the meeting, he might also inquire about a first-round bye.

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