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Red Sox Get World Series Out Of The Way

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Red Sox Get World Series Out Of The Way

DENVER—The Boston Red Sox completed their 2007 Major League Baseball schedule Sunday with a win over the Rockies—the one formality remaining before they could officially collect their World Series trophy and finish their season in a timely and efficient manner. "Glad that's done," said catcher and team captain Jason Varitek, moments after the final out of the Fall Classic was recorded. "It would have been optimal, of course, to get the ALCS over with in the minimum four games, but at least we got these four wrapped up nice and quick. Whew." Varitek added that he doesn't understand why they have to have a whole parade for this.

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