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Redskins Claim They Left Stacks Of Head Coach Applications In Major Inner Cities

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Redskins Claim They Left Stacks Of Head Coach Applications In Major Inner Cities

WASHINGTON—Redskins officials maintained Wednesday that the organization made a conscientious effort to find a minority candidate to lead the team by distributing bundles of head-coaching applications in the slums and ghettos of major inner cities. "Look, we put piles of applications in high traffic areas near housing tenements, abandoned warehouses, and back alleys, but the response was disappointing," said team owner Dan Snyder, adding that, in the end, Mike Shanahan was the only person who really seemed to want the job. "It's not my fault these people didn't want to take the time to fill out an application and send it in." According to Snyder, the application featured sections to provide personal information, experience, offensive and defensive ideologies, and references who could prove that the candidate was not white.

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