adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Redskins Playoff Hopes Listed As Questionable

WASHINGTON—Following further testing this week, the Washington Redskins announced Wednesday that their playoff hopes were still officially listed as questionable. “We’ll just have to continue to assess the situation and see how it looks at the end of the week,” said head coach Mike Shanahan, adding that the team’s postseason prospects would be re-evaluated before this weekend’s game against the Cleveland Browns. “We’ve seen some encouraging signs in the past day or two, but at this point, it’s still questionable.” Shanahan confirmed that the sole glimmer of hope for the entire Redskins organization would likely be a “game-time decision.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close