DEERFIELD, IL—Touting its foundational values of hard work, honesty, and integrity, drugstore giant Walgreens confirmed Wednesday it is proud of its origins as a small business that in today’s economy would absolutely never have been able to get off the ground.
HOLLYWOOD—To insure against a total comedy-systems failure like the one that caused the Coupling disaster, producers of the new NBC sitcom The Silver Lining said their show has built-in redundant comedy devices which will idiot-proof the show against failure. "This new series is engineered on a time-tested and reliable system of gags, repeated one after the other, with the same punchline being fired off simultaneously by multiple sources," executive producer Barry Hemming said. "If a John Larroquette quip catastrophically fails to get laughs, we have Jenna Elfman saying nearly the same line as a backup." Hemming noted that, while their Research and Development Department continues to work on a joke that can stand on its own, it is best for everyone in television that comedies be made as safe and reliable as possible.