MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Ref Quietly Asks Penguins Players If He Can Have A Go At Hoisting Stanley Cup

NASHVILLE, TN—Timidly approaching members of the Pittsburgh Penguins as they celebrated their championship victory over the Nashville Predators, referee Dan O’Halloran quietly asked several players if he could have a go at hoisting the Stanley Cup, sources confirmed Sunday night. “Hey guys, this has always been kind of a dream of mine, so do you think I could take a turn holding the cup?” O’Halloran was reported to have shyly asked Penguins alternate captain Chris Kunitz after spending several minutes silently lingering just outside the huddle of rejoicing players. “It’s just that this is my eighth Stanley Cup, and in that whole time I’ve never even gotten to touch it. I promise I’ll be really quick, and then you can have it right back.” At press time, O’Halloran was reportedly standing frozen in horror after dropping the Stanley Cup.

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