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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Referee Frustrated By Number Of Commercials Shown In Replay Booth

SAN DIEGO—Referee Terry McAulay told reporters he was extremely annoyed by the exorbitant number of commercials he had to watch Sunday before being able to review the footage of a disputed fumble call during the Jaguars-Chargers game. "I'm trying to keep the game moving, but I have to spend forever waiting through a bunch of stupid commercials for Old Spice and The Mentalist, even through NFL promos," McAulay said. "And every time you try to change the angle or look at a freeze-frame, another message pops up saying your footage will be available after a short message from our sponsors. You used to be able to skip the commercials, but you can't now unless you subscribe." After reviewing the footage, McAulay said Brett Favre appeared to have crossed the line of scrimmage before throwing the ball during the Wrangler commercial.

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