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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Reggie Bush On First NFL Touchdown: 'That Was It?'

NEW ORLEANS—After Reggie Bush's first touchdown as a professional football player—a 65-yard punt return that ultimately allowed the New Orleans Saints to defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24-21—the rookie running back said he didn't know what he was expecting, but "this just wasn't it." "I don't know what I thought would happen, you know? Game-winning touchdown in the NFL, my first TD as a pro, I just hoped that… I don't even know anymore," said Bush at a post-game press conference, adding that perhaps "things felt off" because at USC over 20,000 more people cheered when he scored. "Maybe [NFL touchdowns] get better the more you get them. I sure hope so." When asked what he planned to do with the game ball, Bush said he was considering giving it to a young child, but didn't want to ruin football for him at such an early age.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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