The Onion News Network Special Investigative Undercover Response Team reports on whether the nation's waitresses are just being friendly.
LOS ANGELES—Heisman-winning USC halfback Reggie Bush, once touted as a possible No. 1 pick in the NFL draft, severely damaged his draft status Tuesday when he was unable to simultaneously run and carry a football in front of scouts. "He was fast—a 4.33 in the 40—but his knees kept knocking the ball out of his hands," Texans GM Charlie Casserly said after watching Bush struggle through the workout. "He managed to hang on a couple times by holding it out in front of him where he could keep an eye on it, but then he tripped over his own feet, fell down, and almost bit off his tongue, which was sticking out from sheer concentration." Bush is still expected to be drafted before his former teammate, quarterback Matt Leinart, who spent the day in the infirmary after striking himself repeatedly in the back of the head with the football while attempting to pass.