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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Reggie Bush Unable To Run, Carry Ball At Same Time During Workout For Pro Scouts

LOS ANGELES—Heisman-winning USC halfback Reggie Bush, once touted as a possible No. 1 pick in the NFL draft, severely damaged his draft status Tuesday when he was unable to simultaneously run and carry a football in front of scouts. "He was fast—a 4.33 in the 40—but his knees kept knocking the ball out of his hands," Texans GM Charlie Casserly said after watching Bush struggle through the workout. "He managed to hang on a couple times by holding it out in front of him where he could keep an eye on it, but then he tripped over his own feet, fell down, and almost bit off his tongue, which was sticking out from sheer concentration." Bush is still expected to be drafted before his former teammate, quarterback Matt Leinart, who spent the day in the infirmary after striking himself repeatedly in the back of the head with the football while attempting to pass.

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