adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Relationship Based On Mutual Love Of Woodcrafts

NEW CASTLE, IN–Jonathan and Tamara Wilcox, married for six years, have built a rewarding, loving relationship on the solid foundation of a shared love of woodcrafts. "For Tamara and I, there's nothing better than spending a Saturday afternoon together lacquering a birdfeeder or napkin holder," said Jonathan, putting the finishing touches on a wooden "The Wilcoxes" sign for the front of their home Sunday. "Before I met her, I was just sanding mail organizers all by myself." Tamara shared his enthusiasm, gushing, "I forgot how wonderful life could be until Jonathan showed me how to build and varnish a magazine rack."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close