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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Relationship Experts Recommend Single Women Try Bathing In Open Stream Until Suitor Glimpses Them Through Trees

NEW YORK—Saying the strategy was certain to attract the most eligible men of the highest repute, relationship experts recommended Friday that single women frustrated with their current romantic options try bathing in an open stream until the ideal suitor glimpses them through the trees. “Finding a suitable partner can be very difficult for women, but we’ve learned that one of the easiest and most effective ways to attract that special someone is to put on a thin white cambric bathing gown, wade into a sylvan brook, and begin washing your body and running your hands through your long, silken hair while humming softly to yourself,” said professional dating coach Priscilla Adams, adding that women should choose a location with a small waterfall cascading lightly into a natural bathing pool, where a man out riding his horse or returning from a distant war might catch sight of them from the stream’s wooded banks. “After several minutes of bathing, you should see a mysterious, rugged presence fixing his steely gaze upon you, at which time we advise that you hurriedly wrap yourself in a woven blanket and call out ‘Who’s there?’ before being reassured by his kind face and inviting physique. This tactic is almost guaranteed to result in a satisfying romantic experience.” Adams added that if an immediate connection isn’t felt, women could also try putting on their most billowy dress and waiting on the edge of a windswept cliff at sunset.


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