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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

Cryptic New Laundry Room Rule Hints At Tale Of Bizarre Infraction

HOBOKEN, NJ—Pondering the mysterious circumstances that could have led to such a sign being posted, sources within a local apartment building said Thursday that an enigmatic new rule taped to the wall of their laundry room suggested a strange infraction had taken place.

Dad Gets Dolled Up For Trip To Lowe’s

DEMING, IN—Glancing in the mirror while clipping a measuring tape to his belt, area dad Roger Hobak reportedly got all gussied up Wednesday before making the 14-mile trip to his local Lowe’s Home Improvement store.

Unclear What Coworker With Banana On Desk All Day Waiting For

MINNEAPOLIS—Annoyed that the fruit was even now just sitting there next to his computer monitor, sources at data analytics firm Progressive Solutions told reporters Wednesday that it was unclear what coworker Kevin Tanner, who has had a banana on his desk all day, was waiting for.

Father Teaches Son How To Shave Him

ST. CLOUD, MN—Judging him old enough to learn the time-honored family tradition passed down from father to son, local man William Dalton, 47, taught his 12-year-old child, David, how to properly shave him, sources reported Friday.
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Relationship Tips

Many couples find their relationships stuck in a rut after they've been together for a while. Here are some ways to rekindle the fires of love:

Remember: Fragrant roses, moonlit walks, and candlelight dinners are all wonderful ways to avoid addressing the real problems in your marriage

Communication is key to any relationship. Put down those binoculars, march right over there, and introduce yourself

Try buying your husband that watch he's always wanted, and then throwing it in the ocean to show that your love is more important than material things

Important: Homemade love coupons are not only fun, but they'll also save you hundreds of dollars when fucking your wife

Fresh fruit, fine wine and seafood are all known to arouse the passions. Cover the bed with them one night

Spice up your morning routine by shouting "Good morning, wife!" right into your sleeping spouse's face

Please, for the love of God, just stop doing that weird chewing thing with your mouth

Vary your lovemaking techniques by having make-up sex, break-up sex, and chased-around-the-front-yard-with-a-meat-cleaver sex

If you and your partner are having problems communicating, try and switch things up. Have your boyfriend call you an "impotent sack of balding failure," while you call him a "shrill, delusional hag of a woman"

Why not make a little game out of who has the higher income, with the loser having to clean the bathroom for a year?

Take your wife back to the place you had your first date, that magical spot in the Colorado Desert where you sipped wine beneath the stars, ran across the sand, and laughed with the ease of children, holding one other tight and—oh wait, that wasn't you. That was Clark and Emily Gundersen of Erie, NY

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Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

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