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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Remaining MLB Playoff Teams Say Things More Relaxed Without Yankees Around

OAKLAND, CA—According to sources from the four Major League Baseball teams still in contention for the World Series title, the New York Yankees' first-round elimination has made the mood in the 2006 playoffs much more pressure-free. "When [the Yankees] lost, it was like this giant weight had been lifted," said Oakland A's manager Ken Macha, who noticed that his team was "a little on edge" during their series against the Twins. "Now my team can just go out there, have a good time playing baseball, and not worry about the Yankees getting this idea in their head that it's all about winning." Tony LaRussa, Willie Randolph, and Jim Leyland agreed with Macha's assessment, adding that with the Yankees out of the playoffs, it will also be much easier to win the World Series.

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