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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Renowned Ornithologist Always Secretly Wanted To Be A Bird

ITHACA, NY—Though he now enjoys a successful career as one of the nation’s foremost bird experts, distinguished ornithologist Timothy Washburn admitted to reporters Tuesday that when he was young, his dream was to actually become a bird himself. “When I was first starting out, the idea of being the guy who studied birds was the farthest thing from my mind,” said the longtime Cornell University professor, who went on to explain that it was a “fairly difficult” time in his life when he ultimately realized being a bird just wasn’t in the cards. “It was hard letting go of that dream, but really, this is the next best thing—I get to hang around with birds all day. Of course, a part of me will always wonder what it’s like to be the one who’s out there actually flying around, building nests, and migrating south for the winter.” While stressing his commitment to ornithology, Washburn acknowledged that from time to time he does catch himself eating a few earthworms and “thinking about what might have been.”

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