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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Repellent 9-Year-Old Crushed At Suspension Of Favorite Baseball Player A-Rod

NEW YORK—Following Major League Baseball’s decision to suspend the Yankees third baseman for 211 games, 9-year-old Alex Rodriguez fan and utterly repellent little asshole David Polaski expressed his heartbreak Tuesday that he won’t be able to see his favorite player in action until 2015. “I love A-Rod—he’s the best, and now I don’t get to watch him at all,” said the insufferable and entitled little prick, who sources confirmed has absolutely no friends and is hated by virtually everyone who knows or has ever met him. “The MLB is stupid. A-Rod’s the most awesome player ever. This sucks.” The repulsive, self-absorbed brat added that he’s just glad he can still watch his second-favorite player, Yankees relief pitcher Joba Chamberlain.

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