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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Report: 23% Of Population Just Sort Of Like That

WASHINGTON—A recent poll from the Institute for Figuring People Out revealed Tuesday that nearly one quarter of the U.S. population is just sort of like that. A report on the findings stated that 23 percent of Americans are "a little off," and even if they don't get up in anyone's face or anything, you never know when they're going to be in one of those moods. Within this group of respondents, 64 percent were not all there, 31 percent couldn't be bothered, and God forbid you even talk to the other 5 percent without some kind of hassle. The study concluded that, while many people seem pretty out there, perhaps that's just the way they are, and moreover, what can you do?

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