adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: 23% Of Population Just Sort Of Like That

WASHINGTON—A recent poll from the Institute for Figuring People Out revealed Tuesday that nearly one quarter of the U.S. population is just sort of like that. A report on the findings stated that 23 percent of Americans are "a little off," and even if they don't get up in anyone's face or anything, you never know when they're going to be in one of those moods. Within this group of respondents, 64 percent were not all there, 31 percent couldn't be bothered, and God forbid you even talk to the other 5 percent without some kind of hassle. The study concluded that, while many people seem pretty out there, perhaps that's just the way they are, and moreover, what can you do?

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close