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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Report: 250 Million Americans Still Need Guests On Their Podcasts This Week

WASHINGTON—According to a report out today, 250 million Americans are still scrambling to find someone to appear on their podcasts this week, as the guests they would normally book either just appeared on last week’s episode or are too busy hosting their own shows. “I’ve been trying to book my brother-in-law, who occasionally watches Mad Men and could probably fill some time talking about that, but he just called and said he has to guest-host his buddy’s podcast,” said Robert Healy, host of The TV Robcast and one of the quarter billion podcasters nationwide who cannot secure a guest with whom to engage in 45 minutes of inane banter about politics, food, stand-up comedy, or rock music. “I could run a ‘Best Of Robcast’ special, but I did that last week, and I want to keep it fresh.” The report also stated that no podcasters will consider simply not releasing an episode this week, as not one of them wants to risk losing any of the 14 listeners they have been steadily cultivating for the past year and a half.

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