Report: 5th Floor A Bunch Of Pompous Dicks

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Vol 48 Issue 21

$lapping $trangers

MTV 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST Contestants must slap as many unsuspecting passersby as they can for a chance to win $300.

Friends Of Friends

NBC 9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST In tonight's episode of this spin-off of the classic '90s sitcom, Charlie and five other more-or-less strangers awkwardly talk about what a great guy Ross is while trying to discreetly check the time.

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan

The Senate Appropriations Committee voted 30-0 to cut aid to Pakistan by $33 million after the country’s government arrested and sentenced a doctor who tipped off the United States to Osama bin Laden's location.
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Report: 5th Floor A Bunch Of Pompous Dicks

SEATTLE—Citing their stuck-up attitudes and stupid, hip little outfits, a devastating new report from Waverly Building sources found Tuesday that the people who work on the fifth floor are a bunch of pompous dicks. "Taking into account how they're always talking to each other about some client or project or something and acting all high and mighty, it is our determination that [the people on the fifth floor] are pretty much all cocksuckers," the report read in part. "They don't even look at you when you walk into the elevator, and they don't laugh at your jokes, either. It's like, ooh, sorry, people on the fifth floor, I guess we're not all attractive and wealthy like you. Pricks." The report also confirmed there was that one woman from there who looks kind of like Laura San Giacomo who smiled once, so she might be okay, but the rest of them can go to hell.

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