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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Report: 76ers Have Enough Cap Space To Infuriate Fan Base

PHILADELPHIA—As NBA free agency continues to take shape, sources close to the Philadelphia 76ers front office confirmed Thursday that the team has enough cap space this offseason to completely enrage its fan base. “The Sixers are more than $30 million under the cap, which means they can theoretically make a number of moves that leave their fans humiliated and utterly hopeless, all without having to pay any luxury tax,” said ESPN NBA analyst Marc Jackson, adding that Philadelphia has enough salary to offer inflated long-term contracts to multiple incredibly overhyped free agents, effectively torpedoing the team’s playoff hopes for the next decade. “They have plenty of options at this point. Do they pay way too much for a declining, 32-year-old Carlos Boozer? Or do they opt to just throw away future draft picks in order to build a team around the fatally flawed core of Amar’e Stoudemire, Derrick Williams, and Joel Embiid? With this much money available, there are just so many ways they can perpetually infuriate every single basketball fan in Philadelphia for the foreseeable future.” Jackson went on to say the most likely scenario would be the 76ers simply refusing to spend any money at all and forcing their fans to watch the current roster play another full season.

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