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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Report: 76ers Have Enough Cap Space To Infuriate Fan Base

PHILADELPHIA—As NBA free agency continues to take shape, sources close to the Philadelphia 76ers front office confirmed Thursday that the team has enough cap space this offseason to completely enrage its fan base. “The Sixers are more than $30 million under the cap, which means they can theoretically make a number of moves that leave their fans humiliated and utterly hopeless, all without having to pay any luxury tax,” said ESPN NBA analyst Marc Jackson, adding that Philadelphia has enough salary to offer inflated long-term contracts to multiple incredibly overhyped free agents, effectively torpedoing the team’s playoff hopes for the next decade. “They have plenty of options at this point. Do they pay way too much for a declining, 32-year-old Carlos Boozer? Or do they opt to just throw away future draft picks in order to build a team around the fatally flawed core of Amar’e Stoudemire, Derrick Williams, and Joel Embiid? With this much money available, there are just so many ways they can perpetually infuriate every single basketball fan in Philadelphia for the foreseeable future.” Jackson went on to say the most likely scenario would be the 76ers simply refusing to spend any money at all and forcing their fans to watch the current roster play another full season.

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