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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Report: 87% Of Americans Unaware They Have Been Chosen In Later Rounds Of MLB Draft

IOWA CITY, IA—According to a report released Wednesday by the University of Iowa, 87 percent of Americans are currently unaware that they have been selected in the later rounds of the 2015 Major League Baseball Draft. “Our survey indicates that over 270 million Americans are totally oblivious to the fact that they’ve been picked between the 20th and 40th rounds of this year’s MLB Draft and are now eligible to negotiate minor-league contracts,” said study author Angelo Crawford, explaining that over four-fifths of the U.S. populace, many of whom never played baseball past Little League, have no idea that their names were recently displayed on the MLB.com live draft tracker as their selections were analyzed by numerous baseball writers and sports bloggers. “For example, several hundred thousand Americans are now part of the Baltimore Orioles organization and have been assigned to the Single-A Delmarva Shorebirds over in Maryland—they just don’t know it.” At press time, over 7 million Americans were ignoring a phone call from an unknown number belonging to Oakland Athletics general manager Billy Beane.


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