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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

Being A Mom Was The Best Four Years Of My Life!

As I get older, I find myself reflecting on my life more often and marveling at what an amazing journey it’s been. I’ve made tons of great friends, been to magnificent places all over the world, and learned so many important things about myself along the way. But if I’m being honest, there’s one period of my life that stands out from all the rest: those four incredible years when I was a mom.
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Report: 89% Of Americans Just Want To Go Home Right Now

WASHINGTON—According to a report published Friday afternoon by the Pew Research Center, 89 percent of the American workforce currently wants nothing more than to just head home right this very moment. “Our data indicate that the only thought occupying their minds is getting the hell out of whatever project they’re working on as soon as possible and going straight home to their own couches in their own living rooms,” said lead researcher Julia Geier, noting that 42 percent of respondents said they want to be home fucking pronto, 33 percent said if this day doesn’t end soon they are literally going to bang their head against their keyboard for the next five minutes, and 21 percent reportedly just sighed, rubbed their face, and muttered, “Come on, I just want to go home.” “While I, for one, am disseminating this study’s findings and responding to media inquiries right now, the only thing I can actually think about is walking into my home, closing the door behind me, and then just lying down. That’s it—that’s all I want.” The report went on to confirm that once Americans finally return home, approximately 94 percent of them will immediately begin wishing they were anywhere else.

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