adBlockCheck

Recent News

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
End Of Section
  • More News

Report: 89% Of Suzy Qs Never Make It Out Of Gas Station Parking Lots

WASHINGTON—According to a Commerce Department report released Friday, nearly nine out of every 10 Hostess Suzy Qs—the crème-filled devil's food snack cakes—are consumed within 30 feet of the gas stations where they are purchased. "While 64 percent are eaten on the way back to the car, a full quarter of all Suzy Qs are eaten in the gas station itself," the report read in part, noting that many of the cakes are ingested in the checkout line before they are even paid for. "The only time any part of the average Suzy Q exits the parking lot is when cake residue is still present on a wrapper that has been tossed on the backseat of a car." Commerce Secretary Gary Locke later told reporters that he foresees similar results for upcoming studies on Ring Dings, Zingers, and "those fruit pie things that come in the wax-paper wrappers."

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings