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Report: Alex Rodriguez Has Asked 4 In 5 Americans For Steroids

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Report: Alex Rodriguez Has Asked 4 In 5 Americans For Steroids

NEW YORK—As evidence of doping continues to mount against the 14-time MLB All-Star, reports surfaced Wednesday confirming that throughout the course of his 19-year career, Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez has sought steroids from roughly 4 in every 5 Americans. “Oh, A-Rod? Yeah, he came up to my friends and I at the gym a few weeks ago and asked if we had any HGH,” said 36-year-old Columbia, MD accountant Daniel Caballero, one of approximately 250 million Americans whom Rodriguez has discreetly petitioned for performance-enhancing drugs on at least one occasion. “He also asked my neighbor Greg for something called Primobolan a couple years back, and when my 9-year-old niece got his autograph at an Orioles game, he slipped her a note that said to get in touch if she knew where to score any undetectable anabolic steroids.” According to numerous sources, Rodriguez has also requested clean urine samples from an overwhelming majority of the U.S. populace, including 29-year-old Pittsburgh financial analyst Jennifer Pratt in 1999, Denver-based retiree Martin Nedari in 2006, and Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig in 2011.

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