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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Report: Authorities Recommend The Film 'You've Got Mail' For Those Snowed In Today

WASHINGTON—With a major winter storm predicted to dump as much as 30 inches of snow across the northeastern United States this weekend, officials at the National Weather Service issued an urgent bulletin Friday recommending the 1998 Tom Hanks–Meg Ryan romantic comedy You’ve Got Mail to anyone confined to their homes by the inclement weather. “Given widespread whiteout conditions on roadways and potentially historic snow accumulations across the region, we are urging citizens to stay inside and wait out this storm curled up on the couch watching the charming and endearing tale of an anonymous email courtship between two unsuspecting business rivals,” said National Weather Service director Louis Uccellini, adding that the agency had posted a list of Redbox locations and links to the movie’s Amazon Instant Video download page on the agency’s website. “Since blizzard conditions are likely to persist through Saturday night in many locations, disaffected citizens should not hesitate to watch this classic rom-com a second time, especially the heartwarming climactic scene when Joe comes into the park walking his dog Brinkley and Kathleen realizes he was the one she’d been corresponding with all along.” Uccellini added that he and FEMA director W. Craig Fugate had already begun emergency talks with TBS to begin delivering a much-needed Nora Ephron movie marathon to those in the hardest-hit areas.

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