adBlockCheck

Report: Authorities Recommend The Film 'You've Got Mail' For Those Snowed In Today

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Report: Authorities Recommend The Film 'You've Got Mail' For Those Snowed In Today

WASHINGTON—With a major winter storm predicted to dump as much as 30 inches of snow across the northeastern United States this weekend, officials at the National Weather Service issued an urgent bulletin Friday recommending the 1998 Tom Hanks–Meg Ryan romantic comedy You’ve Got Mail to anyone confined to their homes by the inclement weather. “Given widespread whiteout conditions on roadways and potentially historic snow accumulations across the region, we are urging citizens to stay inside and wait out this storm curled up on the couch watching the charming and endearing tale of an anonymous email courtship between two unsuspecting business rivals,” said National Weather Service director Louis Uccellini, adding that the agency had posted a list of Redbox locations and links to the movie’s Amazon Instant Video download page on the agency’s website. “Since blizzard conditions are likely to persist through Saturday night in many locations, disaffected citizens should not hesitate to watch this classic rom-com a second time, especially the heartwarming climactic scene when Joe comes into the park walking his dog Brinkley and Kathleen realizes he was the one she’d been corresponding with all along.” Uccellini added that he and FEMA director W. Craig Fugate had already begun emergency talks with TBS to begin delivering a much-needed Nora Ephron movie marathon to those in the hardest-hit areas.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close