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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Report: Average American Consumes 156 Pounds Of Sugar Per Year But Would Like To Consume Much More

WASHINGTON—A U.S. Department of Agriculture report published Monday revealed the average American consumes 156 pounds of sugar a year but would, ideally, prefer to ingest a far greater amount. “To be honest, 156 sounds pretty low,” said Milwaukee-area consumer Curt Jenkins, 35, whose feelings are shared by an overwhelming 87 percent of U.S. citizens who participated in the five-year, $200 million study. “That’s not even a pound a day. I think if we worked at it, we could double that number. I know I personally could eat a whole lot more, and I’m sure others could, too. I mean, sugar’s the best! Have you tasted it? It’s really good.” The report follows last month’s finding that Americans take an average of 5,117 steps per day, a distance 96 percent of survey respondents agreed was “way farther than anyone should be walking.”

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